Chicken Rice

Thursday, September 08, 2016

friday finally

Hot, black tea over
Indian bread and
Chicken curry
On a Friday afternoon,
finally.

Friday, September 02, 2016

Blessings, Faith and Forgiveness

God chooses who to bless and blesses who He chose.

We do not deserve nor is able to boast of anything by our effort.

I do not know what is God's purpose for me on this earthly life and neither am I sure I can accomplish it.

Dejected feelings and a deep, dark sadness weighs over my heart every day.

The obvious lack of faith in self and God.

Father please forgive me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

at the losing end of the battle...

When I heard the question posed to my wife, I didn't feel much pain.
Instead I felt the passing bittermess and jealousy. It was just a feeling and nothing personal. I wasn't angry with the enquirer.

Like other similar scenarios, this experience made me question my own faith, question God and life. This experience also discourage me of any good in life and that u should live for the moment instead of aiming for eternity. It just makes me want to squeeze everything selfishly out of life and give up once and for all.

Such a typical strategy that works everytime - right Satan?

Meanwhile I am still at the losing end of this battle.

National #2 favourite question

Q: "Do you have any kids?"
A: No.

Favourite follow up question to national national #2 favourite question:
Q: Is it planned?
A: No

National #1 favorite question

Q: how many kids do you have?
A: zero. It's a number and it answers your question.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Gnite Mr Dee

Gnite Mr Dee. I am not impressed that you have been a long term resident in my private abode for almost three weeks in a row.

But then again, I also suspect you have been around longer than that, perhaps years but your sneaky and rat-like ways eluded my detection so well that you seem more a visitor that resident.

But tonight my suspicion rose to a blue moon like one during high tide.

I don't want to think or worry about you now.

Hitting the sack, so... don't wait for me to complain to Abba about you ok.

Now be gone.

Bye.

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Cannot be bothered

I cannot be bothered about everything in life anymore
What's the point?
Who cares

Monday, August 08, 2016

TT

Jasmine where are you??????!!!!!!!!!!!
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Friday, July 08, 2016

Early Blues?

Am feeling the post holidays blues already...

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Depressed Dogs

It's very strange that dogs commonly howl depressingly here everytime the speakers blared from mosques five times a day.

Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Upside down root

Losing a loved one is painful, an experience that is difficult to face at the time of loss. It's memories brings pain over time, albeit less painful as its numbed over time.

Losing my one and only child and knowing I will never have another is a totally different thing to swallow all together. The pain at the time of loss is the least and the beginning of an eternal avalanche of ever increasing torture that is delivered blow after blow on a daily basis. I am still receiving it after 8 long years. That painful torture can be described as a hopeless future that stems from a loss in the past. The root is nursed by the bleak future, unlike the root of a tree that supplies and contributes to the future growth of the tree. Cutting off or forgetting the root doesn't work here.

Two things

For the past eight years, every day I think of only two things. One, How would my daughter look, talk, behave and and smile and laugh with me if she is alive and well today. Two, why did this had to happen and continue to torture me daily.
As one who believes in God and His son Jesus Christ, I no longer blame God for it. The pain however continue to plague me years on.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Idiotic, so damn annoyingly idiotic

How to take the annoyance out of an annoying idiot?

Monday, June 20, 2016

Happy F***er's Day

Happy F***er's Day!

Friday, June 03, 2016

Drudgery 20hrs 22plans

After slogging over more than 20 hours over 4 days to complete 22 lesson preparations, I feel tired suddenly. Not physical. Maybe mentally. More like a restless drudgery in anticipation of something remotely unsettling and unknown yet familiar.
Try to complete 1 more today?

Wednesday, June 01, 2016

One of my frustrations is from my wife :
1. She's incessantly late for everything - work, church, meetings with friends, dinner, you name it. And I get the only share of troubles that comes with it, at times the blames as well.

2. Messy on shared space but refusal to allow others to clear/tidy up things. Still boils down to pride and stubbornness.

I try to overlook many others not listed but currently these are the current top 2.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Life's frustrations breeds vulgarities

Some of my frustrations are:

1.Whenever I am at home i'm 'expected' to do some tasks. This is one disadvantage when the lines between working in office and home are blurred.

2.During my school holiday, this gets worse, I work also but when I forgot to do some tasks I received black face or grumbling.

3 . she works very late daily but still insists to cook dinner (Supper really). After a stressful day probably that's her destressor. So it's dinner at 9pm.

All these are not big issues but I guess some marriages gets diluted over time?

Amidst all the frustrations, ugliness of marriage is imminent. It's also called vulgarities.

Monday, May 30, 2016

School holidays

School holidays are here again. One week to work, sleep and rest. And to arm myself with another two and half weeks of buffer. That should handle those disruptions, exam preparations or any other. That's if everything goes well...

Friday, May 13, 2016

Weak week end

Here comes another wasted Saturday. Where is a decent weekend?

Friday, May 06, 2016

If you can't drown em, down em!

To forget the sorrows of yesteryear, tonight and tomorrow! Cheers🍺

Night Cap

Time for a Guinness

Painful weekend ahead

It's finally Friday.

A hot, humid afternoon.

The bread was satisfying.

It's the usual annoying thought of the coming Monday blues and the short weekend further shortened by the Saturday lessons to attend. What a pain.

Thursday, May 05, 2016

Permanent Scar, Everlasting Pain

Have been teaching for 1 day shy of 17 weeks.

Sick for almost 2 weeks. A chesty cough trails stubbornly.

A picture of a father with his almost twin-like children stabs the same deep pain in my heart.

I thought only scars are permanent. It seems the pain remains as fresh as a raw wound after almost 8 years.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

The Choice of Physical and Spiritual Birth

No one can choose to be born into this world, it is not a decision that one can make.
In other words our physical birth is not by our choice.
If physical birth is not by choice, Spiritual rebirth is even more so !

So you and I did not choose to be born and live wherever you and I are now.
The children did not choose to be where they are now. It is not by their choice.

There is no point in 'over'-bearing excessive remorse over physical deaths or the state of not being born of others or closed ones because you and I know this is predestined and not within our control.

There is also no point in analysing, arguing and dicing over whether who will receive God's personal salvation. There is no need for 'over'-bearing, excessive remorse over the possibility of them entering the gates of Hades because the names written on the Book of Life are God's decision and further more, you and I are not even certain of our own fate from now till Christ's second coming.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Miracle Remain a miracle

Where is God's miracle today?

Where?

Jesus, intercede for us Jesus.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

tickling the ivories

When can I play the piano like a pro?

will it ever happen? sigh...

Friday, September 19, 2014

Left and Right Pegasus

Pegasus 30 !

On the left is my Right Pegasus and on the right is my left Pegasus.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Need a lift?

It's time

Fed up

It's time to make an inventory

It's time to switch inventories

It's time to focus on a different inventory

It's time

Monday, September 15, 2014

Mourn for the sixteen years

Celebrate? 16th anniversary??

Rather I mourn the death of my youth poured out unto this 16 years of accumulated moss from one bad choice , compounded with year after year of false hopes and stared down by a growing tower of insecurity.

I now stand and lean on my rock my saviour my Christ.

I am learning to walk now , by faith.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Hopeless

I am totally hopeless and without dependent even now , knowing I have no children to turn to in my days to come. Hopelessness prevails all the days of my life.

I have no one else to turn to.

Thank God.

"Your children will kill you in your old age", a quote from my neighbor last night.

Amen.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

happy fluttering butterfiles

It is better to have happiness fluttering inside your heart than butterflies in your stomach.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

f a i t h

God is testing my faith in Him
Even though my heart is breaking daily,
even though things are not working out as i may wish,
even though i may wait for something or nothing
To Him be ALL Glory.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Synergies and Transformations in the workplace

In the movie "In Good Company'', they called it 'Synergy'.
My employer calls it 'Transformation'.

Whatever big words they try to camouflage the uncertainties in our employment future with the company, we all know what it means and we feel the jitters in the next 9 months.

If a good change is upcoming in my job, I'd like to hear the proposition.
If a bad change is upcoming in my job, I'd like to hear the proposition.

Well they tell me the proposition comes around in the next 1-4 months; and the proposition becomes activated 3 months thereafter, however it might be good or it might be bad.

So in the meantime, look for a job ?

Friday, August 15, 2014

Sunrise & Shadow on the Sand

Sunrise

Shadow on the Sand

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Sun at the beach

The sun at the beach by the sea,

What clear skies, Simply love it !

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Deactivated Facebook

Deactivated facebook account today.
Its just too depressing.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

He held my heart today

Today God strengthened and braced my crumbled heart on a day special to those who celebrate.

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Live with lesser blessings

Another rough week, an even rougher week end.

I prayed to God this morning to help me live with lesser material blessings in life.

Praise Lord.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Thankful God for not prospering me with children

No, God did not bless us with any baby last year. It's 25-June 2014 today and so far He has not blessed us with any baby yet. We got a baby but the blessing was undone almost immediately with unspeakable sufferings all the way till the she died and was delivered - still.

Memories and wounds still raw in my mind, fresh wounds emerge and dug deeper in the same wound every time I see God blesses others.

So I say Thank God for not prospering me today!

Saturday, May 10, 2014

HAPPY MAIDTHERS' DAY

Meaningless Mother's Day

Meaningless mothers day ，meaningless , meaningless !

Friday, May 09, 2014

happy mothers day

happy mothers' day my foot!

I lost my mother and father.
I lost my daughter.

I am a childless orphan.

Monday, May 05, 2014

Depressing facebook

Everytime I log on to facebook I get depressed...

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Prayer of Petition dated 14th Day of the Month of March in the Year of 2014

Dear God (our Heavenly Father)

You are our God Almighty and nothing escapes your eyes
Nothing steers away from your plans
And nothing go against your Will
Nothing stands in your way for nothing is to difficult for You

Lord,
You have been so silent to my grief, pain and prayers
Though you know my hearts cries out tears of blood
Day after day, night after night
My heart is weakened by this grief I carry

Lord,
Are my sins too much for you to look at me ?
Is my love not genuine to receive your glance ?
Why Lord am I so, so, so unworthy and so repulsive ?
Are you going to shun my prayers forever ?

Lord
Please do not ignore me anymore
Shine your face upon me Lord
Rain your grace upon every moment of my life
And may my joy be complete today

Jesus Jesus Jesus
Amen Amen Amen.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Tears of Eternity

On the day of his funeral I finally cried.
I cried, cried, cried, cried and I cried.....

The burden of my tears weighed down on me on that day,
and pulled my depression out into the open...

I didn't see any other man shed a tear...

The fourth person I personally know left us before we even ended February...
and the third funeral of the year, even yet before I am comforted by my dad's passing.

Rest in peace, dad (in law).

Dad (in-law), I know your regrets. And your regrets you shared with my dad - I share them deeply as well though I cannot keep saying this out with everyone. Just as my dear Jasmine had passed on before my mum, dad, Mrs Liew's mother, uncle David, Jadite and you, I now live reminiscing all of you in my days here on earth, missing every great moments that I might have with you if you were here. But most of all, I miss Jasmine most as I haven't spent a moment with her before her passing;
as I was reminded so timely as I was just penning this off, a colleague came to request for a survey
for fathers.....

Will the river of tears continue to run ?
Will there not be much tears of happiness, contentment, joy and bliss in between? And if there are, will they be far and wide ?

Only God knows.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Will be done

When God says No,
I cannot think Yes.

Who can defy God's will
For when He wills, it will be done.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

The passing of a sister in Christ

The passing of a sister in Christ

It is just not easy to swallow this. I thought the many deaths in my own family is enough
for me to accustom myself to deaths; considering the closest persons in my life have already left me by now. My beloved daughter Jasmine, my beloved mother and followed by my beloved father. After all the dearest persons in my life have left me, I thought all the demise of any other person would not affect me so badly. But its definitely not the case.

Every single drop of suffering of humanity, seen or unseen, heard or unheard whether fallen on the shoulders of a relative, colleague or stranger - - all rakes up the mire of pain of the yesteryears...

My heart is heavy with an inexpressible pain.

My friend, you have fought the good fight and you are definitely stronger than anyone else.
Thanks for all the bread, cakes, tales, ears and more office tales.

I am sure you are enjoying your time with Jesus everyday.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Sorrow so burrowed, Wound so deep

O Sorrow, my sorrows;

Burrowed and entrenched in a wound so deep;

A wound so deep, a wound so deep;

For who knows my sorrows ?

So deep, o so deep in the wound,

trapped but yet struggling to come out in the open;

to express yourself but can no longer,

because you burrow deeper in your throes of agony;

How do I cry? when there are no more tears inside

How do I weep? when there is not a tender bosom who know my sorrow

How do I grief? when there is not a strong shoulder I can lean on

How do I mourn? when I do not remember the face of my beloved

How do I weep? when my voice can no longer coax it out in the open

And how do I lament? when my wounds are never healed?

Jesus You claim you are The Way, The Truth and The Life;

The One who weeps for our losses in our lives;

Who has gone through all the sorrows of our life,

The Man of Sorrows who lived, who died, resurrected and who lives!

Jesus, Please come and heal my wounds today so I may be alive in You.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

River of teary blood

Heart is bleeding again today...

Mixed with tears, blood dripped down incessantly since last week.
Today was more like flowing. Like a river.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

End of the road

After all these years I guess we must learn to accept the will of our only God.

What is the end if the road we cannot change unless He willed for it. There is only one Jesus - God's only begotten Son. The Son of Man, as he often called himself, was only resurrected once and will pay earth a second, upcoming visit - only this time not as a baby but as an adult Jesus. Other than Lazarus, I don't expect any resurrections from now till The Son of Man revisits.

When God has decided, we can only accept.

If it's the end if the road for now, it means the end if the road for now.

God forgive me for my sins and my faithlessness, hopelessness and selfishness in failure to see beyond this body and this earth and cosmic plane.

Monday, August 05, 2013

Shit is in the Air

Shit is in the Air

Shit is in the Air
Everywhere i look around,
Shit is in the Air,
Every sight and every sound!

I don't know if i'm being stupid,
Staying here for the longest time
But its something our boss believe in
Its the passion when you look in his eyes.

Shit is in the air
In the cutting of the trees
Love is in the air
Recycling every thing we see

And I don't know where the hell we're heading
Don't know if I'm stil insane
But it's something our boss believe in
And it's there when he treats you like slave

Shit is in the air
Shit is in the air
yucks yucks yucccks!
yucks yucks yuccccccccks!

Shit is in the air
In the sinking of the sun
Shit is in the air
When the future's nearly done

And I don't know if its confusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you

Shit is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise

But it's something that our boss believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Change

{.Two mergers in two months .}

Change.
Opportunities and Improvements
Cuts and Trims
Opens and Shuts doors
Upgrades and Rewards
Threatening and Anticipating
Laughing and Crying
Gaining and Losing
Fear and Uncertainty
Balancing and Considering
Pause and Ponder
Re-evaluate and Change.

Friday, July 26, 2013

When you have time....

When you have time...

1) Check out a holiday package for your wife
2) Count your blessings
3) Remember your Abba Father
4) ...

Wakey wakey

Wakey wakey
You slow lackey
How many times your mummy
- - - - -ask you not to be so choosy

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Who's left behind

How sad,

Jasmine left;

Mum left;

Dad left;

No one left behind;

Busied with all their health;

and survival,

Now busy with the health

and survival of in laws,

There is nothing left,

To look forward to.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Bloody Renovations Work 2011 !!!!!!

11 July 2013

The bloody renovation folder I created was called Renovations 2011 - created in 2011 of course.

Now, having already passed the second half of 2013

Idiots produce shit without eating rice....

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The funeral

9th May 2013

We arrived at the parlor at 8am.

The first thing we did was to thank the night shift lady who watched over the body in the coffin and all the things in the parlor during the night. And handed her her fees.

Then we went to look at my father's face. Over the hours we kept doing that.

After songs of worship and a brief message from the pastor , I thanked those present and we proceeded to send the coffin to the crematorium.

After a brief song and message, we put flowers on the coffin and the doors of the crematorium were shut.

Lunch and some shopping with Brother in law. Them we were back at the crematorium with my auntie to collect the ashes and urn. Everything was completed by Thursday 4pm.

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Dad passed away

P8th May 2013

At 4:10am his breathing stopped.ol
And he is with The Lord now.t

Scrambled to find the clothes and photographs for the funeral, we quickly made our way to the home to find his body still warm as I touched his cheeks.

Eyes closed, face no longer in distorted pain but breathless, his face depicted a calm, serene look and the edge of his lips curled a faint smile.

Thank God he is relieved of his suffering, the last hurdle having surpassed, he now can rest in peace. Go for a holiday with mum in Heaven ,papa! And someone said later, 'without having to board a plane'.

By 5:30am I sorted out all the documentation, clothes, identity card, shoes, photograph before dad's body was loaded into the back of the hearse by three men, dressed in very dark blue.

Before 7am we were at the mamak stall having roti canai, coffee and tea. Then off we headed for homfreshen up a little.

By 8:30am we're off for more errands.

Appointment with the unldertakers at 10am. Meanwhile more calls, messages of condolences from cell group members clogged he phones.

The entire parlor was setup prim and proper by 10am. Dad was dressed up in shirt and tie in a dark suit. Could not help noticing the embalmed look is different from the time he breathed his last where the face waos broader and lips were wide. Now the mouth including the lips are pointed like a bird peck. No longer can I see the faint smile.

The day was definitely the longest for a long, long time. We only went back for a quick shower Obefore appearing again in our stamdard white top, black pants custume at the parlor at 5pm.

Wake service started at 8:30pm. Me and my wife were the only family representative. Fortunately our Cg members who were represented by 3 persons being our greatest consolation.

My uncle AhKu and his wife was first to arrive at around 6:30pm.

Relatives and friends filled the chairs by 8pm.

The opening speech, the worship, the eulogy and the sermon by Pastor Quek

were completed by 10:30pm. The place was alive with conversations till past 11pm. The mood wasn't somber but people were filled with a kind of happiness and gathering.

From the bedside of my dying father (2)

7 th May 2012 5:17pm

Dad have been groaning non stop since morning.
Talked to Emily on the phone and she decided to up morphine dosage to 10ml
from 7.5ml, which was formally 5ml for a very long time.

Tua-Ee came with us in the morning and again in the afternoon with her husband. 7th uncle came twice too, same timing .
Shared about Jesus Christ with him.

Florence came late afternoon about 4pm and it soon rained heavily.

We are trapped here for a while, with the heavy pattering outside.

SH mopped the floor with Dettol ,dad seem to be watching...

At 5:25 groaning is still going on though much softer.

Once in a while I dry those tear drops on the corner of his eyes.

After dinner with uncle Albert and AhKim who visited in the evening, we're back to the home. Felt nausea from all the sight and smell and sound.

Continue to feed him with water after sponging his lips as he groans non stop.
Have requested the Cg to pray for his comfort.

10:29pm Dad is showing signs of gasping
, we will need to check his oxygen level before deciding whether to supply oxygen
to him. 64% recorded. Bad. Oxygen supply is now on.

Oxygen 75% assisted, BP 55/13
Expected to go off tonight or tomorrow morning.

Stayed with dad till 1:30am Wednesday ... still groaning with every breath.
Finally decided to go back to sleep, to come back later in the morning.

Monday, May 06, 2013

From the bedside of my dying father (1)

6 May 2013 10:29pm

He is groaning every now and then. Obstructed by phlegm, he coughs with great effort, yet his strength whimpers off with an almost breathless phlegm filled gasp... He groans in pain again.

At the final stage of in gastric cancer and now on his deathbed at Anzaletta Nursing Home at Jalan Damai, my father's life seemed trailing off day by day.

His frame is reduced into a very large and pronounced cheek and jaw bone.Cheeks and temples sunken,his Adam's apple moved moved up and down as he breathes softly. A tube dangles out if his left nostril. His eyebrows were very bushy with streaks of grey.

His mouth half open, one eye remains half open, though without focus.

His body is reduced to huge sticks of bones, skin creased and dangling miserably.

Once in a while I wake him up and siphoned off some honey drink and drops I to his gaping mouth.

I can hear his breath , still pronounced as his lungs are still unobstructed. Cancer probably has spread to the bones causing him great pain when we lift his limbs or touch him.

Lymph nodes and internal organs have been infected too, so the doctor reported few months ago from the CT scan done long before ,about 2 months back.

This day pisses me off greatly.
The 13th general elections' conduct and results was one reason. The other was dealing with the Singaporean red tape of a downright bitch of my brother's wife who refuses to let me speak to him.

Never mind. I have to move on. Life goes on.

From the bedside of my dying father

6th May 2013

After countless updates sent to my brother in Singapore about my dad's condition since February when he admitted into the nursing home, I got a response. From his wife.
She knew dad is at Anzaletta.

She said they cannot come to see dad as she got her responsibilities. She has to take care of her daughter.

I asked to speak to my brother. She asked me what I want to tell him. Furious, I said that is for me to tell him.

She said she don't think he got anything to say to me. Well I said let him tell that to me in my face. And that I do not need to speak to him through a third party. She keep saying he got nothing to speak to me. So I said I don't need to speak to her. So finally she said she don't want to speak to me.

So I hung up the phone.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

3 months to go?

24April2013

Doctor says dad has 3 months (max) to go.
Cancer has spread all over inside his body.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Cancer Epidemic

Just too bad humanity is suffering from cancer...
Cancer is spreading like an epidemic now.

The financial, emotional and physical stress of cancer on humanity is punishing everyone to an extend that many are facing the end of their lives on a daily basis, whether those suffering directly or those implicated into suffering by their suffering spouses, parents, loved ones, etc.

Facing and still not coming to the end of their lives is a greater deal of suffering than facing an abrupt end, probably.

What a way to go..

In a way, it brings us to realize that we need to radically change the way we live our lives in which most of us are living in today.

P-ray more
L-earn more
E-njoy more
A-sk more
S-eek more
E-njoy some more

Monday, January 21, 2013

SHIT IS EVERYWHERE

SHIT is in the air
Everywhere I look around
SHIT is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
SHIT is in the air
In the whisper of the tree
SHIT is in the air
In the thunder of the sea
And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel safe
But it's something that I Must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
In the rising of the sun
SHIT is in the air
When the day is nearly done
And I don't know if you are an illusion
Don't know if I see truth
But you are something that I must believe in
And you are there when I reach out for you
SHIT is in the air
Everywhere I look around
SHIT is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

2013 Jan 9th

Dad packed his bags and left this morning. He arrived exactly one month ago.

Monday, January 07, 2013

Why do bad things happen to good people ? (no answers from me here)

When my mum died, a colleage gave me a book titled 'Why do bad things happen to good people ?'
I guess he should now look for another book 'Why does more and more bad things happen all the time to good people?'

Since its too late to start behaving bad in life, guess the only thing left to do is to prepare to deal with more and more bad stuff in life.

The other thing is also to consciously enjoy life significantly more than before everyday. Being positive should take a whole new level and meaning if you take it personally to make your life a more happy one ?

Well, that's a plan for a start.

What about stuff you don't have and would like to have ? Considering the pros and cons of having it,
i guess it may be best to adapt the best of both worlds and try to create something new in life - -
something which will create a net positive effect in our own happiness index ? Although setting your 'index' with a long term view is dangerously important as it may be too late to modify your index after you whimsically decides its not reaally makes you happy after all ! Correcting some things in life may take so much a toll it will destroy a whole lot more happiness than you have created in the long run than the short term happiness created yesterday.

Avoiding negative thinking is very tough. Negative thinking keeps feeding into us with every visual, audio or mental stimulation you get on a constant basis in our lives. A watchful state of mind would be too exhaustive to maintain. Conditioning our minds may take too long... This is a tough one.
That is why people go to war. First they envy others. Then when they don't match up with what they've got, they try to match using other means. Then they show it off to others, trying to induce jealousy in others as it was induced in themselves in the begining. This competitive jealousy inducing acts eventually causes much hate, some times foolish counter-actions and an unhealthy state of mind. Its a vicious cycle. I do not have any solution to this mental trap.

Sometimes the Buddhist ways quite make sense - to let thoughts pass and meditate onto nothingness, experiencing the fabric of our mind.

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Brokenness in the first Sunday of 2013

During the prayer for The Lord 's supper, I felt a deep , renewed sense if brokenness in my heart region.

The first Sunday and Lord's Supper in 2013 brought much doubt and pain since the mostly sleepless night I experienced hours ago.

Where is my faith in 2013????

How do I not feel sad over all these ?

When my daughter died during mum's cancer, my heart sank to the deepest pit in my life.

When mum suffered in her cancer journey with dad who suffered tremendously caring for her and dealing with issues with my brother, I asked , "how much worse can this get?" and "something good shall come out of this" in my effort to console my broken, shattered, disfigured, mutilated and lost heart.

All these years, I cling on with my feeble faith, as if grasping on the edge of the dangerous rocky cliff of the Himalayan mountain with the little finger of my left hand.

Four long, dreary years of guilt, pain, shame, humility, tears-run-dry, shaken, disillusioned, hopelessness, dumbfounded, worn, disheveled, disbelief, angst, anger, short changed, disappointed, forgotten and abandoned by nature, by God and His concerns.

The weariness at the end of all these we're greeted by the familiar darkness that came engulfing my little candle of hope - dashed ,puffed out with a final slap in my face.

Looks like dad's final journey - a walk that seems so despairing it reflects what darker paths ahead for my lonely walk.

What lies ahead for someone who no longer have a family? Probably among strangers in the community home or found dead on the streets on a cold night..

So, so, so sad...

Friday, December 21, 2012

Yet another sad point in my life

2006 mum had cancer
2008 mum died, my daughter died
2012 dad diagnosed with stomach cancer

It's Christmas season again.
21-12-2012 just passed with no signs of the end of the world, thanks to some great interpretations of the Mayan calendar, probably some Mayan decided to stop producing those bulky calendars at one point.

Oh dear, oh dear, what are we to do now?

I really don't know how.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Redeem me O Lord

I am so tired, scared and disappointed.
Oh Great Redeemer, whose name if Yahweh,
When will you rescue me?
For I cry out to Thee!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Too salty

Chicken rice is a tad too salty today..

We are asked to be the salt and light of this fallen world, but when we are too salty - our words will surely be unpalatable.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Mid life crises it seems

Even apes faces mid life crises, it was reported.

My brother in law told me that he is currently facing one.

Well, at the very least he already has two kids towing the line...

And he happens not to be an ape...

or is he ?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Saddest point in my life

2006. When mum was diagnosed with cancer, my mere month old fetus in my wife's womb was pronounced deformed and probably dying.

Baby died. Stillborn.

Mum died too.

The saddest point of my life is upgraded daily. Every day, every moment, everytime I recount this tragedy, I realized myself that today ,indeed is the saddest point in my life.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

ANAL LOGICS

he likes to use a particular analogy to deflect requests for annual increments.

To him, the need for more money is like a hygiene factor. There is never enough. And you just
need enough to survive.

Well ?

For himself, this analogy does not apply.

For me, his analogy is just an ANAL-LOGIC. Why? Coz it full of SHIT!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The ship that never sinks

You see, I am on this huge ship

-this huge ship that will never sink,

But you see this ship is one where

-people keep jumping off,

Some get pushed down by other suicidal ones

BUT this ship never sinks.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Stupid Hermaphrodite

While walking down the hill, an idiot felt thirsty and squatted by the meandering river to sip water. 'Yucks!', she spat, the water tasted like a concoction of faeces and urine. She shook and flapped her palms violently and shook her big head violently, thinking 'This water tastes a little bit like shit!'.

Then she got up and continued her downhill track thinking to herself, 'Maybe the water down the stream will taste sweeter', smiling to herself.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Lessons in Life#2 Avoid riding the emotional roller coaster of another

Don't ride the emotional roller coaster rides of others
by not accepting their offer in the first place to join their ride
Avoid unecessary communication with her,
Keep your distance from her

Her words, expressions and body language
Are the tickets to join her emotional ride
Keep your distance from her
Drive in safe emotional distance

Don't start giving in to her
Sympathy is of no value here
For trickery is the order of the day
You'll regret the moment her 'wind' change.

Like a sudden, uncertain wind that spins havoc
Wrecks and brings everything down
Beware of this insane person,
Better be safe than sorry

Lessons in Life#1 It's kinder to be harsh

Basically you order what you serve others
Whether or not you realize it
Whether or not you are aware of your behaviour
People will not keep taking all your non-sense.

So especially for those who have been serving shit
and expecting to receive ice-cream, cash & promotions
I tell you the truth, you only get back shit - many times fold
Yes - more than you could ever imagined!

"Its kinder to be harsh than to be even harsher later."
There is a limit in everything.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

STRICT Guidelines on how to deal with people in Category 'F'

1. First thing in the morning as you sit down, remind yourself that this fellow is CATEGORY F.
2. Next, remind yourself you intend to focus on the agenda of the day, this fellow is NOT in agenda.
3. Third - put this fellow into the intended corner - the Category F corner, the place for unrecyclable trash!
4. Get on with the important stuff of the day.
5. Whenever you are annoyed or reminded of this fella, remember point 1.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Friendship

The best of friends sits next to each other uttering not a single word, yet experience the best of friendship. True relationships are often beyond words - limited by language itself, articulation and comprehension.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Hemaphrodite's antiques

Ah... the mood swings of a hermaphrodite,
At times, its allright
During other days, it swings up to the treetops
Today, its in the shit hole

Laziness, work-avoiding antiques,
they all creep into her ways,
responding in childish, irresponsible ways
All i can do is wait for God's righteous right hand to strike.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

New Rule for Category 'F' people

New Rule with effect from 25thMarch2012.

For people categorized under category 'F',I shall no longer put anymore attention.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Hermaphrodite & her ways

Hermaphrodite, hermaphrodite,
What right -
you think you have over this earth,
that made you treat everyone with a black pot face ?

Hermaphrodite, hermaphrodite,
Are you sure you will survive
for yet another hour
this day or another ?

Not willing to face
the harsh realities of life
doesn't mean life will get
any less harsher

But at whose expense,
are you dishing out all your blackfaces ?
and your insincere dealings with people around you
and blaming everyone for your mishaps ?

Too bad, hermaphrodite
you still never learn from experiences of life
continuing your ways
sacrificing everyone along the way

Only The Lord our God knows
who,what,when and where
each one of us
will face and how we will fare.

To Him Be all Glory and Honour
For He is Our God.

Friday, March 09, 2012

Hermaphrodite in Hell!

Thank you for wishing me a black birthday
with a black birthday card,
on my birthday.
i hope your
head
will be
bludgeoned
with a blunt object
before the turn of your next
birthday so, dark you can't see
your future nor your past anymore than
the hermaphrodite in the pitch of the darkest corner of Hell.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Crooked Ass

When shit hits the fan, the innocent cover their faces;
The crook covers his ass.

Monday, March 05, 2012

Remedy for black face of a co-worker

The best remedy for a black face is to pour shit over it...

over and over again, if you have extra time & shit.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

The Greatest 'Contradict-ionist' of our time.

He: I want this NOW !
(Gave it to him in that instant)
He(frown): Not now! That's too fast.

He: You know i am very busy, i don't read my mails. I want this delayed for me NOW!
Me: Ok, will make necessary arrangements to delay it specially for you.

He: Now don't tell me this cannot be delayed for me because so and so says so. Tell me and i will tell them!
Me: Ok , will re-schedule for your convenience.

The globe revolves around him, so he thinks...

Thursday, March 01, 2012

Nothing but Sex and Kids

Men think of nothing but Sex,
Explains why everyone has nothing in their heads but Kids ?

A conversation began on facebook today with a 'friend' i haven't seen
or heard in 20 years.

friend:How are you ?
me:Fine, thanks.
friend:Good
(A good 20 secs later)
friend:how many kids ya?

Logged off facebook, wrote this blog and un-friended him.

Sorry, this is NOT a kids-friendly blog.
Yup, neither is it a kids-friendly facebook-page.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Another dreadful dragon year

Dreading it as usual this year. Rabbit hopped off, dragon flew in... apparently.

What have i learned this year ? What have i learned after all these dreadful years ?
It simply does NOT sum up.

This year I decided to not entertain the dreaded. Their shamelessly antics of bringing their children to our home does not agree with my current philosophies, you see there is no children here. So we are not entirely children friendly; and any effort to make
our home children friendly will not be physically nor psycologically rewarding.

So i just chose to ignore their very presence and continue to pack my stuff as i was leaving for my 400km journey.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Dog with Men-No-Pause

The mad dog seems to display heavy Men-No-Pause symptoms.

Barks like crazy and nit-picks small petty issues to his whims.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Designed to torture

It shall end soon ?

Not really

I guess its designed to inflict torture on me

Infinitely.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

AFA (Arrogant Fat Arse)

AFA is back, for a couple of months.

All he knows is how to CRAP:
C omplain
R ant about how stupid others are
A rrogantly puts it like he knows best
P uts others down

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The beast is back

The mad dog barked non-stop since last week.

What a din.

This unreasonable dog sure has lots to bark about, however most of the time - up the wrong tree.

Most of the time it just pees and shit under the tree though. Though it fertilizes the trees but everyone is disgusted by the sheer presence of the dog.

Just last week, it was chasing its own rotten tail and barking everyone in its way.
Probably thinking he's the King of his animal kingdom, he barks everyone to his whims
and his speed.

Pray, God please subdue or incapacitate this beast soon.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Big Chief

One day the COO of a company suffered serious constipation. So the COO asked his able assistant to find the cure. The assistant emailed the Regional office for assistance.
The email read " HELP! BIG CHIEF NO SHIT !"

The Regional office took 2 weeks to reply. By the time COO was fuming mad and more
constipated than ever. After ding-donging for another 3 weeks, the Regional Procurement Manager, the Group Managing Director, 2 Dept Heads and some 15 other staff resigned and got replaced for reasons unrelated to the COO's constipation problem. Finally the able assistant, who have yet to resign, received a parcel from their NY office. It was the cure. The COO consumed the cure, shat and collapsed.

The able assistant emailed the Regional office for further assistance. The email read
" HELP! BIG SHIT NO CHIEF !"

The next day, the able assistant was promoted to COO : " CHIEF ORSI ORLIEW "

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Farewell to my best friend

3rd August 2011

Farewell my friend , you have done well.

Snoopy ,you were the smartest dog i've ever had.

I remembered Lucky - who didn't even looked at me the day i came back from England. I was away for one year for my studies.

You lived to a ripe old age though you suffered in the last few days of your life.

You accompanied my parents when both sons are not with them, for 12 years.

We will miss you Snoopy. Farewell and may God bless you.

From all of us
At No. 197.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Guqin-Living in the Mountain by Gong Yi

Thursday, June 02, 2011

My oh my...

2nd June 2011

My oh my....
Did it feel less painful now ?
Or is there no longer any feeling left in me ?

Fly my lovely dove,
Fly over the river , across the bridges
See your reflection by the still lakes
Display your graceful wings to the photographer

My lovely dove
Where thou art my lovely babe
When all else fail
My heart shall not reveal

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The useless cat, dumb dog and the heartless human

The useless cat, dumb dog and the heartless human

A man kept one dog and one cat
the cat made slave of the man
the dog was chained all the time
the man lost his heart
the cat was hated by his neighbours
the dog chased motorcycles and sniff at muslims
the man lost his heart
the cat was sent away
the dog got castrated
the man lost his heart
the cat was never mentioned, but there were other cats
the dog was sent away and back, and away again
the man lost his heart, forever.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tears in Heaven

I have no right to be angry because Abba, our Heavenly Father is my Lord and my God. Extreme sadness enveloped my heart this morning when i see some pictures my friends' children... oh God the heart wrenching pain is unbearable. I have No right to be angry. She would have been 3 years now. I await the day I see her in Heaven.

I have not lost her, but we will be separated for a while...Oh God, please have mercy on me oh Lord. Please do not turn your face away from me oh Lord but shine your beautiful face on me oh Lord, otherwise I will be deep in the pit like many others; Lift up my soul oh Lord for my soul will only be lifted up for You.