Bloody Renovations Work 2011 !!!!!!

11 July 2013

The bloody renovation folder I created was called Renovations 2011 - created in 2011 of course.

Now, having already passed the second half of 2013

Idiots produce shit without eating rice....

The funeral

9th May 2013

We arrived at the parlor at 8am.

The first thing we did was to thank the night shift lady who watched over the body in the coffin and all the things in the parlor during the night. And handed her her fees.

Then we went to look at my father's face. Over the hours we kept doing that.

After songs of worship and a brief message from the pastor , I thanked those present and we proceeded to send the coffin to the crematorium.

After a brief song and message, we put flowers on the coffin and the doors of the crematorium were shut.

Lunch and some shopping with Brother in law. Them we were back at the crematorium with my auntie to collect the  ashes and urn. Everything was completed by Thursday 4pm.

Dad passed away

P8th May 2013

At 4:10am his breathing stopped.ol
And he is with The Lord now.t

Scrambled to find the clothes and photographs for the funeral, we quickly made our way to the home to find his body still warm as I touched his cheeks.

Eyes closed, face no longer in distorted pain but breathless, his face depicted a calm, serene look and the edge of his lips curled a faint smile.

Thank God he is relieved of his suffering, the last hurdle having surpassed, he now can rest in peace. Go for a holiday with mum in Heaven ,papa! And someone said later, 'without having to board a plane'.

By 5:30am I sorted out all the documentation, clothes, identity card, shoes, photograph before dad's body was loaded into the back of the hearse by three men, dressed in very dark blue.

T

Before 7am we were at the mamak stall having roti canai, coffee and tea. Then off we headed for homfreshen up a little.

By 8:30am we're off for more errands.

Appointment with the unldertakers at 10am. Meanwhile more calls, messages of condolences from cell group members clogged he phones.

The entire parlor was setup prim and proper by 10am. Dad was dressed up in shirt and tie in a dark suit. Could not help noticing the embalmed look is different from the time he breathed his last where the face waos broader and lips were wide. Now the mouth including the lips are pointed like a bird peck. No longer can I see the faint smile.

The day was definitely the longest for a long, long time. We only went back for a quick shower Obefore appearing again in our stamdard white top, black pants custume at the parlor at 5pm.

Wake service started at 8:30pm. Me and my wife were the only family representative. Fortunately our Cg members who were represented by 3 persons being our greatest consolation.

My uncle AhKu and his wife was first to arrive at around 6:30pm.

Relatives and friends filled the chairs by 8pm.

The opening speech, the worship, the eulogy and the sermon by Pastor Quek

were completed by 10:30pm. The place was alive with conversations till past 11pm. The mood wasn't somber but people were filled with a kind of happiness and gathering.

From the bedside of my dying father (2)

7 th May 2012 5:17pm

Dad have been groaning non stop since morning.
Talked to Emily on the phone and she decided to up morphine dosage to 10ml
from 7.5ml, which was formally 5ml for a very long time.

Tua-Ee came with us in the morning and again in the afternoon with her husband. 7th uncle came twice too, same timing .
Shared about Jesus Christ with him.

Florence came late afternoon about 4pm and it soon rained heavily.

We are trapped here for a while, with the heavy pattering outside.

SH mopped the floor with Dettol ,dad seem to be watching...

At 5:25 groaning is still going on though much softer.

Once in a while I dry those tear drops on the corner of his eyes.

After dinner with uncle Albert and AhKim who visited in the evening, we're back to the home. Felt nausea from all the sight and smell and sound.

Continue to feed him with water after sponging his lips as he groans non stop.
Have requested the Cg to pray for his comfort.

10:29pm Dad is showing signs of gasping
, we will need to check his oxygen level before deciding whether to supply oxygen
to him. 64% recorded. Bad. Oxygen supply is now on.

Oxygen 75% assisted, BP 55/13
Expected to go off tonight or tomorrow morning.

Stayed with dad till 1:30am Wednesday ... still groaning with every breath.
Finally decided to go back to sleep, to come back later in the morning.

From the bedside of my dying father (1)

6 May 2013 10:29pm

He is groaning every now and then. Obstructed by phlegm, he coughs with great effort, yet his strength whimpers off with an almost breathless phlegm filled gasp... He groans in pain again.

At the final stage of in gastric cancer and now on his deathbed at Anzaletta Nursing Home at Jalan Damai, my father's life seemed trailing off day by day.

His frame is reduced into a very large and pronounced cheek and jaw bone.Cheeks and temples sunken,his Adam's apple moved moved up and down as he breathes softly. A tube dangles out if his left nostril. His eyebrows were very bushy with streaks of grey.

His mouth half open, one eye remains half open, though without focus.

His body is reduced to huge sticks of bones, skin creased and dangling miserably.

Once in a while I wake him up and siphoned off some honey drink and drops I to his gaping mouth.

I can hear his breath , still pronounced as his lungs are still unobstructed. Cancer probably has spread to the bones causing him great pain when we lift his limbs or touch him.

Lymph nodes and internal organs have been infected too, so the doctor reported few months ago from the CT scan done long before ,about 2 months back.

This day pisses me off greatly.
The 13th general elections' conduct and results was one reason. The other was dealing with the Singaporean red tape of a downright bitch of my brother's wife who refuses to let me speak to him.

Never mind. I have to move on. Life goes on.

From the bedside of my dying father

6th May 2013

After countless updates sent to my brother in Singapore about my dad's condition since February when he admitted into the nursing home, I got a response. From his wife.
She knew dad is at Anzaletta.

She said they cannot come to see dad as she got her responsibilities. She has to take care of her daughter.

I asked to speak to my brother. She asked me what I want to tell him. Furious, I said that is for me to tell him.

She said she don't think he got anything to say to me. Well I said let him tell that to me in my face. And that I do not need to speak to him through a third party. She keep saying he got nothing to speak to me. So I said I don't need to speak to her. So finally she said she don't want to speak to me.

So I hung up the phone.

3 months to go?

24April2013

Doctor says dad has 3 months (max) to go.
Cancer has spread all over inside his body.

Cancer Epidemic

Just too bad humanity is suffering from cancer...
Cancer is spreading like an epidemic now.

The financial, emotional and physical stress of cancer on humanity is punishing everyone to an extend that many are facing the end of their lives on a daily basis, whether those suffering directly or those implicated into suffering by their suffering spouses, parents, loved ones, etc.

Facing and still not coming to the end of their lives is a greater deal of suffering than facing an abrupt end, probably.

What a way to go..

In a way, it brings us to realize that we need to radically change the way we live our lives in which most of us are living in today.

P-ray more
L-earn more
E-njoy more
A-sk more
S-eek more
E-njoy some more

SHIT IS EVERYWHERE

SHIT is in the air
Everywhere I look around
SHIT is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
SHIT is in the air
In the whisper of the tree
SHIT is in the air
In the thunder of the sea
And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel safe
But it's something that I Must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
In the rising of the sun
SHIT is in the air
When the day is nearly done
And I don't know if you are an illusion
Don't know if I see truth
But you are something that I must believe in
And you are there when I reach out for you
SHIT is in the air
Everywhere I look around
SHIT is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air
SHIT is in the air

2013 Jan 9th

Dad packed his bags and left this morning. He arrived exactly one month ago.

Why do bad things happen to good people ? (no answers from me here)

When my mum died, a colleage gave me a book titled 'Why do bad things happen to good people ?'
I guess he should now look for another book 'Why does more and more bad things happen all the time to good people?'

Since its too late to start behaving bad in life, guess the only thing left to do is to prepare to deal with more and more bad stuff in life.

The other thing is also to consciously enjoy life significantly more than before everyday. Being positive should take a whole new level and meaning if you take it personally to make your life a more happy one ?

Well, that's a plan for a start.

What about stuff you don't have and would like to have ?  Considering the pros and cons of having it,
i guess it may be best to adapt the best of both worlds and try to create something new in life - -
something which will create a net positive effect in our own happiness index ? Although setting your 'index' with a long term view is dangerously important as it may be too late to modify your index after you whimsically decides its not reaally makes you happy after all !  Correcting some things in life may take so much a toll it will destroy a whole lot more happiness than you have created in the long run than the short term happiness created yesterday.


Avoiding negative thinking is very tough. Negative thinking keeps feeding into us with every visual, audio or mental stimulation you get on a constant basis in our lives.  A watchful state of mind would be too exhaustive to maintain. Conditioning our minds may take too long...  This is a tough one.
That is why people go to war. First they envy others. Then when they don't match up with what they've got, they try to match using other means. Then they show it off to others, trying to induce jealousy in others as it was induced in themselves in the begining. This competitive jealousy inducing acts eventually causes much hate, some times foolish counter-actions and an unhealthy state of mind. Its a vicious cycle.  I do not have any solution to this mental trap.


Sometimes the Buddhist ways quite make sense -  to let thoughts pass and meditate onto nothingness, experiencing the fabric of our mind.

Brokenness in the first Sunday of 2013

During the prayer for The Lord 's supper, I felt a deep , renewed sense if brokenness in my heart region.

The first Sunday and Lord's Supper in 2013 brought much doubt and pain since the mostly sleepless night I experienced hours ago.

Where is my faith in 2013????

How do I not feel sad over all these ?

When my daughter died during mum's cancer, my heart sank to the deepest pit in my life.

When mum suffered in her cancer journey with dad who suffered tremendously caring for her and dealing with issues with my brother, I asked , "how much worse can this get?" and "something good shall come out of this" in my effort to console my broken, shattered, disfigured, mutilated and lost heart.

All these years, I cling on with my feeble faith, as if grasping on the edge of the dangerous rocky cliff of the Himalayan mountain with the little finger of my left hand.

Four long, dreary years of guilt, pain, shame, humility, tears-run-dry, shaken, disillusioned, hopelessness, dumbfounded, worn, disheveled, disbelief, angst, anger, short changed, disappointed, forgotten and abandoned by nature, by God and His concerns.

The weariness at the end of all these we're greeted by the familiar darkness that came engulfing my little candle of hope - dashed ,puffed out with a final slap in my face.

Looks like dad's final journey - a walk that seems so despairing it reflects what darker paths ahead for my lonely walk.

What lies ahead for someone who no longer have a family? Probably among strangers in the community home or found dead on the streets on a cold night..

So, so, so sad...

Yet another sad point in my life

2006 mum had cancer
2008 mum died, my daughter died
2012 dad diagnosed with stomach cancer

It's Christmas season again.
21-12-2012 just passed with no signs of the end of the world, thanks to some great interpretations of the Mayan calendar, probably some Mayan decided to stop producing those bulky calendars at one point.

Oh dear, oh dear, what are we to do now?

I really don't know how.

Redeem me O Lord

I am so tired, scared and disappointed.
Oh Great Redeemer, whose name if Yahweh,
When will you rescue me?
For I cry out to Thee!!

Too salty

Chicken rice is a tad too salty today..

We are asked to be the salt and light of this fallen world, but when we are too salty - our words will surely be unpalatable.

Mid life crises it seems

Even apes faces mid life crises, it was reported.

My brother in law told me that he is currently facing one.

Well, at the very least he already has two kids towing the line...

And he happens not to be an ape...

or is he ?

Saddest point in my life

2006. When mum was diagnosed with cancer, my mere month old fetus in my wife's womb was pronounced deformed and probably dying.

Baby died. Stillborn.

Mum died too.

The saddest point of my life is upgraded daily. Every day, every moment, everytime I recount this tragedy, I realized myself that today ,indeed is the saddest point in my life.

ANAL LOGICS

he likes to use a particular analogy to deflect requests for annual increments.

To him, the need for more money is like a hygiene factor. There is never enough. And you just
need enough to survive.

Well ?

For himself, this analogy does not apply.

For me, his analogy is just an ANAL-LOGIC. Why? Coz it full of SHIT!

The ship that never sinks

You see, I am on this huge ship

-this huge ship that will never sink,

But you see this ship is one where

-people keep jumping off,

Some get pushed down by other suicidal ones

BUT this ship never sinks.

The Stupid Hermaphrodite

While walking down the hill, an idiot felt thirsty and squatted by the meandering river to sip water.  'Yucks!', she spat, the water tasted like a concoction of faeces and urine.  She shook and flapped her palms violently and shook her big head violently, thinking 'This water tastes a little bit like shit!'.

Then she got up and continued her downhill track thinking to herself, 'Maybe the water down the stream will taste sweeter', smiling to herself.

Lessons in Life#2 Avoid riding the emotional roller coaster of another

Don't ride the emotional roller coaster rides of others
by not accepting their offer in the first place to join their ride
Avoid unecessary communication with her,
Keep your distance from her

Her words, expressions and body language
Are the tickets to join her emotional ride
Keep your distance from her
Drive in safe emotional distance

Don't start giving in to her
Sympathy is of no value here
For trickery is the order of the day
You'll regret the moment her 'wind' change.

Like a sudden, uncertain wind that spins havoc
Wrecks and brings everything down
Beware of this insane person,
Better be safe than sorry

Lessons in Life#1 It's kinder to be harsh

Basically you order what you serve others
Whether or not you realize it
Whether or not you are aware of your behaviour
People will not keep taking all your non-sense.

So especially for those who have been serving shit
and expecting to receive ice-cream, cash & promotions
I tell you the truth, you only get back shit - many times fold
Yes - more than you could ever imagined!

"Its kinder to be harsh than to be even harsher later."
There is a limit in everything.

STRICT Guidelines on how to deal with people in Category 'F'

1. First thing in the morning as you sit down, remind yourself that this fellow is CATEGORY F.
2. Next, remind yourself you intend to focus on the agenda of the day, this fellow is NOT in agenda.
3. Third - put this fellow into the intended corner - the Category F corner, the place for unrecyclable trash!
4. Get on with the important stuff of the day.
5. Whenever you are annoyed or reminded of this fella, remember point 1.

Friendship

The best of friends sits next to each other uttering not a single word, yet experience the best of friendship. True relationships are often beyond words - limited by language itself, articulation and comprehension.

Hemaphrodite's antiques

Ah... the mood swings of a hermaphrodite,
At times, its allright
During other days, it swings up to the treetops
Today, its in the shit hole

Laziness, work-avoiding antiques,
they all creep into her ways,
responding in childish, irresponsible ways
All i can do is wait for God's righteous right hand to strike.

New Rule for Category 'F' people

New Rule with effect from 25thMarch2012.

For people categorized under category 'F',I shall no longer put anymore attention.

The Hermaphrodite & her ways

Hermaphrodite, hermaphrodite,
What right -
you think you have over this earth,
that made you treat everyone with a black pot face ?

Hermaphrodite, hermaphrodite,
Are you sure you will survive
for yet another hour
this day or another ?

Not willing to face
the harsh realities of life
doesn't mean life will get
any less harsher

But at whose expense,
are you dishing out all your blackfaces ?
and your insincere dealings with people around you
and blaming everyone for your mishaps ?

Too bad, hermaphrodite
you still never learn from experiences of life
continuing your ways
sacrificing everyone along the way

Only The Lord our God knows
who,what,when and where
each one of us
will face and how we will fare.

To Him Be all Glory and Honour
For He is Our God.

Hermaphrodite in Hell!

Thank you for wishing me a black birthday
with a black birthday card,
on my birthday.
i hope your
head
will be
bludgeoned
with a blunt object
before the turn of your next
birthday so, dark you can't see
your future nor your past anymore than
the hermaphrodite in the pitch of the darkest corner of Hell.

Crooked Ass

When shit hits the fan, the innocent cover their faces;
The crook covers his ass.

Remedy for black face of a co-worker

The best remedy for a black face is to pour shit over it...

over and over again, if you have extra time & shit.

The Greatest 'Contradict-ionist' of our time.

He: I want this NOW !
(Gave it to him in that instant)
He(frown): Not now! That's too fast.

He: You know i am very busy, i don't read my mails. I want this delayed for me NOW!
Me: Ok, will make necessary arrangements to delay it specially for you.

He: Now don't tell me this cannot be delayed for me because so and so says so. Tell me and i will tell them!
Me: Ok , will re-schedule for your convenience.

The globe revolves around him, so he thinks...

Nothing but Sex and Kids

Men think of nothing but Sex,
Explains why everyone has nothing in their heads but Kids ?

A conversation began on facebook today with a 'friend' i haven't seen
or heard in 20 years.

friend:How are you ?
me:Fine, thanks.
friend:Good
(A good 20 secs later)
friend:how many kids ya?

Logged off facebook, wrote this blog and un-friended him.

Sorry, this is NOT a kids-friendly blog.
Yup, neither is it a kids-friendly facebook-page.

Another dreadful dragon year

Dreading it as usual this year. Rabbit hopped off, dragon flew in... apparently.

What have i learned this year ? What have i learned after all these dreadful years ?
It simply does NOT sum up.

This year I decided to not entertain the dreaded. Their shamelessly antics of bringing their children to our home does not agree with my current philosophies, you see there is no children here. So we are not entirely children friendly; and any effort to make
our home children friendly will not be physically nor psycologically rewarding.

So i just chose to ignore their very presence and continue to pack my stuff as i was leaving for my 400km journey.

Dog with Men-No-Pause

The mad dog seems to display heavy Men-No-Pause symptoms.

Barks like crazy and nit-picks small petty issues to his whims.

Designed to torture

It shall end soon ?

Not really

I guess its designed to inflict torture on me

Infinitely.

AFA (Arrogant Fat Arse)

AFA is back, for a couple of months.

All he knows is how to CRAP:
C omplain
R ant about how stupid others are
A rrogantly puts it like he knows best
P uts others down

The beast is back

The mad dog barked non-stop since last week.

What a din.

This unreasonable dog sure has lots to bark about, however most of the time - up the wrong tree.

Most of the time it just pees and shit under the tree though. Though it fertilizes the trees but everyone is disgusted by the sheer presence of the dog.

Just last week, it was chasing its own rotten tail and barking everyone in its way.
Probably thinking he's the King of his animal kingdom, he barks everyone to his whims
and his speed.

Pray, God please subdue or incapacitate this beast soon.

Big Chief

One day the COO of a company suffered serious constipation. So the COO asked his able assistant to find the cure. The assistant emailed the Regional office for assistance.
The email read " HELP! BIG CHIEF NO SHIT !"

The Regional office took 2 weeks to reply. By the time COO was fuming mad and more
constipated than ever. After ding-donging for another 3 weeks, the Regional Procurement Manager, the Group Managing Director, 2 Dept Heads and some 15 other staff resigned and got replaced for reasons unrelated to the COO's constipation problem. Finally the able assistant, who have yet to resign, received a parcel from their NY office. It was the cure. The COO consumed the cure, shat and collapsed.

The able assistant emailed the Regional office for further assistance. The email read
" HELP! BIG SHIT NO CHIEF !"

The next day, the able assistant was promoted to COO : " CHIEF ORSI ORLIEW "

Farewell to my best friend

3rd August 2011

Farewell my friend , you have done well.

Snoopy ,you were the smartest dog i've ever had.

I remembered Lucky - who didn't even looked at me the day i came back from England. I was away for one year for my studies.

You lived to a ripe old age though you suffered in the last few days of your life.

You accompanied my parents when both sons are not with them, for 12 years.

We will miss you Snoopy. Farewell and may God bless you.

From all of us
At No. 197.

Guqin-Living in the Mountain by Gong Yi

My oh my...

2nd June 2011

My oh my....
Did it feel less painful now ?
Or is there no longer any feeling left in me ?

Fly my lovely dove,
Fly over the river , across the bridges
See your reflection by the still lakes
Display your graceful wings to the photographer

My lovely dove
Where thou art my lovely babe
When all else fail
My heart shall not reveal

The useless cat, dumb dog and the heartless human

The useless cat, dumb dog and the heartless human

A man kept one dog and one cat
the cat made slave of the man
the dog was chained all the time
the man lost his heart
the cat was hated by his neighbours
the dog chased motorcycles and sniff at muslims
the man lost his heart
the cat was sent away
the dog got castrated
the man lost his heart
the cat was never mentioned, but there were other cats
the dog was sent away and back, and away again
the man lost his heart, forever.

Tears in Heaven

I have no right to be angry because Abba, our Heavenly Father is my Lord and my God. Extreme sadness enveloped my heart this morning when i see some pictures my friends' children... oh God the heart wrenching pain is unbearable. I have No right to be angry. She would have been 3 years now. I await the day I see her in Heaven.

I have not lost her, but we will be separated for a while...Oh God, please have mercy on me oh Lord. Please do not turn your face away from me oh Lord but shine your beautiful face on me oh Lord, otherwise I will be deep in the pit like many others; Lift up my soul oh Lord for my soul will only be lifted up for You.

Unforgiving heart versus suffering injustice

The good guys always get bullied and beaten up. The evil, loud, strong and arrogant ones at the upper hand.

Same goes to the government. The roots of corruption grows deep and far. The clean ones are considered the black sheep. The black sheep eventually gets shot.

Life's like that.

Depressing but true.

Yet another reflection of my personal life.

They say that we humans are all unrighteous and if God chooses to punish the corrupt and evil ones, we all get punished together anyway...

tough call... better to have an unforgiving heart or to suffer injustice not knowing whether it will be served ?

Just because its f**kin fathers'/mothers' day!

Just because its f**kin fathers' day or mothers' day , so they get to eat for free ?

How about a new marketing gimmick where single parents, widows, orphans, those with dead children gets to eat for free ??

Sinking boat

Don't know how much longer. How much longer can i keep this boat from sinking.

A new reserve

A dull pain in heart, tears well up in my chest
..waiting to pour out at the prospect of an invite.

The pain is still there, after all these years, though tears seem to have ran dry. or is it ? Suddenly a new undiscovered reserve of fresh tear supply is felt just beneath the heart.

The key that unlocks the reserve is nearby in the neighborhood. But is it going to help ?

Despair

God knows how my heart is burdened
And every-day, despaired
Bleeding, not seen the light
Hooked and wounded by burdens, no end in sight.

Epitaph on a Tyrant

Now..

(Source : www.Poets.org , Epitaph on a Tyrant by W. H. Auden ; http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15548)

Some 40 years ago...

The mangy dog awaits his bone.

The mangy dog barked furiously at 5pm yesterday.

Tried to appease it but couldn't find any bone. Ran out of bones.

I thought I could get one at 6:30pm so i told the dog to be patient.
It didn't heed any of my advise.

6:30 came without any bones. Too bad.

I found out that the bones will come in by 7:15 or so.

"A tiny brain expects invulnerability" is like one who lives on the iceberg and doesn't know 99% of the mass is under his feet. So his prima donna attitude continues to feed the ugly and fat monster - its becoming fatter and uglier by the minute.

Live goes on.

Finally bone arrives 8:15pm. The spoilt brat seems appeased ... for a while.

Mixed Twins

27 October 09

Wholemeal with Raisins
Bengali style soft white bread.

Recipe for

Dear all

anyone got recipe for success, fulfillment and happiness ?

as usual, please try out before you share

but then, it may take a lifetime to try...

Mess

A mess is the place where military personnel socialise, eat, and (in some cases) live. In some societies this military usage has extended to other disciplined services eateries such as civilian fire fighting and police forces. The root of "mess" is the Old French "mes," portion of food, drawn from the Latin verb "mittere," meaning "to send" or "to put," the original sense being "a course of a meal put on the table." This sense of "mess," which appeared in English in the 13th century, was often used for cooked or liquid dishes in particular, as in the "mess of pottage" (porridge or soup) for which Esau in Genesis traded his birthright. By the 15th century, a group of people who ate together was also known as a "mess," and it is this sense that persists in the "mess halls" of today's military.

References : http://freepages.military.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~worldwarone/WWI/MilitaryCamps/CampCuster/

Fresh from the oven

"Hello world!", said the newly born twins.

Prayer of Thanks for Answered Prayers

Dear Lord O Father in Heaven

Just wanted to give you Thanks for answered prayers
Thank You Lord for having my father spend time with me,
Thank You Lord for removing my vertigo in less than 2 minutes !
Thank You Lord for repairing the roof leak with little hassle & resources.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Vertigo Cure

3Ps

Remembering my brother-in-law's words today, he told me to

1. Be Patient in non-believers' idol worships.
2. Be Polite when choosing not to participate with their worships.
3. Be Prayerful as I continue to pray to Our Lord in my own ways.

Eternity

Unless Eternity goes on maternity, I have no use for paternity.

Meanwhile I will wait for Eternity.

Go on, Dig in.

Go on, dig in...

They decided to make a huge hole in front of the house and

make a mess of the front walkway.

Jackasses of Today and Tomorrow

The mangy dog who thinks he the prima donna superstar, the old and ugly poodle that barks incessantly and the beggar upstairs who thinks he rules the world.

Perfect ?

More like PerFUCK!

Sand Storm in a Shoe Box

"...If you are not the custodian of this matter, then you are not welcome to this meeting!!!..", the mangy dog barked in a calculated woof.

The mad dog barked in retaliation, haphazardly.

I looked on as i sat there.

Celebrate what ?

Its nothing to celebrate about, really.

Its just a combination of numbers that points to another incremental number, which we try to make an occasion out of it by blowing candles lit on a piece of bakery laced with cream , chocolate & sugar;
and singing of a silly song;
and clapping of hands (like a bunch of monkeys or clowns if you like)..

The world doesn't revolve around you...

Help!! The walls are spinning around my head today !! I thought they say the world doesn't revolve around me ?. ..hence I have decided against taking Stugeron.

Bad Milk Day

"The whole company is not going to stop working just because you're on leave", the mad cow mooed aloud.

Got bad milk day ?

`SLUM'-berland

Rubbish is piling up. "Don't touch my rubbish!", the guni-karung lady lunged.

Some people enjoy living in slums.

I am trying to get out.

Burden

The worldly ways constantly burdens my weary heart.

Nothing brings relief.

Not even turtles.

Or fishes.

Even the dogs...

It howled pitifully at every 'ploink' of the piano keys. Even the dogs shared my misery as he abused the piano again. And I thought only I couldn't stand it.

Letter from my mentor

Remember that it is not by works or might; you'll never be able to do enough even if you devote 24/7 to any one person. (Everyone else would be neglected and you'll have the guilt of not having done enough.)

God sees the heart. You passed the test of having a difficult sister in law.

Just enjoy the daily moments on this planet and bless people around you.

One of the key people at this period of your life is your dad.

Please send him my greetings and love!

Blessings.

Lonely presence

You see a group of noisy friends, but each of them is really alone in this world.

They say best friends can sit together not saying one word, but that's the best communication you can get - amidst understanding and contentment.. just being present for each other.

Don't be too concerned about the world and the way it works. Stop looking at others and concentrate on the present moment.

Don't even look at yourself in the mirror. Just live in the presence of each day and remember to stay happy.

A broken and contrite heart

It is a consolation to me today to be reminded in the sermon that

1. A broken and contrite heart is precious to God. It is with a broken heart that rebuilding begins.
2. The (rebuilding of) broken heart is a journey.

Praise the Lord.

Stuck in the Slum

Its a cycle.

At some point, when you come to that corner - you are bound to see it. The slums of your life.

Even though you know of its coming , you cannot help but get sucked into its negativities.

Everything sucks and all you want to do is throw in the towel , get out , get away from here.

Damn it.

Shattered

My car window was smashed at the car park.

Nothing was stolen. Father in Heaven, i want to thank you for watching over it.

-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-

The shattered window glass reminds me of a shattered life.

Nothing can bring back the original condition... of our mind frame.

The memories remain and we know its different from the last one.

Can we really forgive and forget ?

LIFE

LIFE is merely a lie without F.

Sunday sermons will be different now

4th July 2009

Last night i learned that Pastor Phillips Koh will not be delivering God's word at FBC anymore.

I felt sad.

Even though it is important for Christians to receive God's word without favouring the deliverer,
i just want to express how much i will miss the connection he seldom fails to make on Sunday mornings.

The enthusiasm of going to Church to hear Pastor Phillips Sermons after worshipping the Lord will somewhat be affected, especially tomorrow.

Well ,if it's Your will, then let it be done.

Praise the Lord!

LOST

3rd July 2009

Over the last few months, I have been feeling rather empty inside me. Life at work didn't help either.

But last night, that emptiness was overwhelming and i just realised i lost something.

I don't know when or how i lost it, but it was gone. It was one thing that kept me sane all this while.. but it was really, really gone. I looked everywhere but could not find it.

I even tried to create it again and showed it to my wife - but she couldn't see it??? To my utter disappointment i realise it cannot be re-created !!!

So long and thanks for everything, Humour.

Naj, rest in peace.

My pool sifu, friend, elder and colleague - Naj left us peacefully on 1st Jan 09 after his prayers in the morning.

What a peaceful way to go.

I salute you , Naj.

May your soul rest in peace with Allah.

I miss you. I am sure we all here do.

Mum , rest in peace.

Saturday, 20th Dec 2008 10:12am.

I sat on the right side of my mother, my father on her left.
'I love you ...'
'I love you ...'
'I love you ...'
Holding on her right hand, i said it three times, half crying.

She took a very weak, shallow breath with difficulty and said ' Pa i'm going' t my father.
We put her back on the bed. She did not take a new breath afterwards.

Pointless

It all its pointlessness...

Utter humiliation & sheer disappointment

My daughter is 6 months and 7 days old today , if she is still alive today.
I am sorry Jasmine, I was not able to do anything to keep your life.

God, Thank you for ridiculing me. It was damn humiliating.
I wondered where were you everyday while we suffered in silence.
O ya, maybe you were standing right there, humiliating me, right ?

It saddens me till today. Tomorrow will most probably be the same, just like yesterday.

Even though I have put our situation entire and squarely on your strong shoulders, I still think about Jasmine till today. I still think of what helplessness we faced squarely and what shattering disappointment that crashed down right on us everytime the baby was pronounced with one terminal news after another right till her death.

Time definitely does not heal, as they all say.

The effects of this humiliating tragedy does not seem like it's going anywhere for a very long time to come. Great ! Your plan has been a great success !! Congratulations !
Let me die in utter disappointment and sheer humiliation !
How more can I thank you ?!! DAMN IT!

I HEREBY REQUEST YOU FOR THE LAST TIME , HELP US !
I am sorry i have to pray in this tone & manner but this is really my last straw.

Cat Riddles

RIDDLE

Question : Why the cat could not find all her emails ?
Answer : Because it was all under the SandBox.

Mustafa is sick

Mustafa is sick.

May he be able to receive the Universal love of the universe
May he recover in God speed.

Sweet Baboo and her newfound companion.

Sweet Baboo is so comfortable with her newfound companion..

Fearless, Mustafa & Sweet Baboo

Fearless

Mustafa
Sweet Baboo

The offsprings of our lovely mother Bubu.

New Policies & Mottos - 2008

New Policies - 2008 (starting 10 Dec 2007)
1. DON'T ATTEMPT TO PHYSICALLY CHANGE THE IMPOSSIBLE !
2. MENTALLY RELINQUISH SELF AFFLICTED PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURES !
3. NO MORE PLEASING OTHERS !
4. RELINQUISH RESPONSIBILITIES.
5. RELAX CONSCIOUSLY.
6. SPEND MORE FOR SELF
7. ENJOY LIFE MORE
8. LET OBSESSION FOR CLEANLINESS LOOSEN GRIP BY LEARNING TO FACE ANXIETY

New Mottos - 2008
1. You deserve to enjoy more! Look at those i****s around you!
2. You can enjoy life! You just need to loosen up and relax...
3. You can have more wealth. You only need constant confidence & patience.
4. Be mindful of the anxiety. Observe. Don't rush to clean up. Bear with it. (The cleaning ritual reduces anxiety arising from the obsession.)
5. Learn to tolerate the anxiety, the obsession begins to gradually loosen its grip over you.
(Temporary exacerbation in your anxiety may arise as you are not doing the "same old stuff" to relieve your anxiety.)
6. Anxiety is likely to increase before it can decrease. Don't try to distract yourself by doing something or thinking about something else. Keep your mind on the object that increases your tension and let it complete its full course. The anxiety will peak out if you persist. Then, you can relax. Likewise, others can relax around you. You have more time than you ever thought you had.


References:
"Neatfreaks" Can Get Rid Of The Stress by Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D [http://www.mindpub.com/art493.htm]

Bubu, mother of four kittens

This cat turned our life upside in just two months.
Came with 4 kittens inside her as well.

Black tailed with twin patch on the head and a white body - is Bubu the cat.

Anyone wants to provide her kitten/kittens a home ?

They celebrate while I mourn

Just rejected an invitation to celebrate the birthday of a friend/relative's son.

My daughter Jasmine has two birthdays , one in April and one in August.

One for her premature still-born date and the other for her expected due date.

I can never forget the look on her round face.

I shall never attend another birthday celebration.
Only God knows my feeling. Nobody ever will.

My Poem to God

Heard another baby on its way to delivery,
Blurted a few words of congratulatories..

God, please help me..
God, do you really hate me so much ?

God, do you know the pain in my heart?
God, do you enjoy seeing me suffer ?

God, do I deserve this ?

Does everyone else deserves whatever they're getting ?
If they do, then let us not have pity on what happens to anyone ?
If its true,
then let every bad thing turn into its worst; and we should not feel or do a thing about it,
and let every good thing turn better; and we should celebrate as much as we want.

Did everything happen for a reason ? And nothing is too personal ?
If that is so,
then let us act as we wish since there is no difference in who made it happen anyway;
and let us all get impersonal with each other and do whatever we like without strings attached;

What is there left for us to rejoice ?
The world has changed and some have not...
It is these people who are suffering.
They are suffering for you, my dear God.

Please can you take back this world into your arms,
for I do not want it anymore.

15th August 2007:This is supposed to be the day...

15th August 2007

This is supposed to be Jasmine's due date...

The day I am supposed to feel like a proud father, for the first time in my life.
The day I can, like most normal people, procreate and see the results of procreation, first hand.
The day I can look forward to the growing up of my own flesh and blood.
The day I can smell the baby fresh smell of a child I could call my own...
The day I can watch my baby's antics and ways...

But today, it is all dashed away in a harsh and painful way.

The cruel world went on with her ways.

Smashan Tara !
Hare Krishna !
Sri Lakshmi !

Let the world be gone !
All be perished with its cruel ways!!

There's really nothing else to look forward to , is there ?

Enough is enough !

These kites are made for flying

That's just what they'll do

One of these days these kites are gonna fly all over you!

We'd love to gather together but we prefer you go

somewhere far , far away flying your kite.

Mangy dog strikes again.

The mad dog striked again yesterday evening.

It wasn't an ambush.
I could see it coming, cock-eyed and injured from some accidents at home and what-nots.

I normally can take his attacks better than this.
I was still able to maintain my calm and composure, as I fend off the attacks without fighting back.
I wasn't able to think of any ways of attacking him in response to his mangy ways.
Any thoughts of fighting back was firmly under the control.

I am not supposed to fight a mangy dog that can go even nastier, and the result would be disastrous for me in the end.

So the only way, is, to have patience - the same patience I have employed in the past eight years.

Beware, mangy dog! The blood letting tradition has yet to be performed on you - but the day will sure arrive. Meanwhile, let your ego grow and that day will arrive sooner!

The pains of life

The heaviness in the heart weighs and dulls everyday. Sadness loomed at every corner i gaze. Anger stems from every source of children and family oriented tales, sounds and images.

Some stooped in their stubborn belief say this is "self pity".

The anxiety, pain, trauma and shock of bad experiences do affect an individual. There is no denial to effects of total 'experiences'.

The pain in the neck gets worse when lying on bed last night. The morning started with dizzy and aching head that feels like its bursting at the seams.

The wonderful numbing effect of ethanol seeping into the brain took care of the aches for the whole night, well almost.

I remember the nice, peaceful tingling effect of my hair being trimmed by my plump, silver-streaked haired barber the other day. Its been a long time since i last experienced it.

My beloved mother, my beautiful Jasmine

This is the darkest days of my life.

My beloved mother is cancer striken and is undergoing chemotheraphy. It is so painful to see her suffer.

My baby - Jasmine has normal chromosoms. But she left this world before she was born into it.

I hope it will be a blissful afterworld for her.

This shall all end soon.

This shall all end soon.

Disappointments, sadness, anxiety, grief and tears.

That's all there is to my life.

Deafening doggone mangy dog!

3rd November 2006

The mangy dog seethed in anger.
It snarled, barked as if insane

Its hair didn't looked too ruffled, skin not putrid or showing signs of decay whatsoever.
Is it suffering from rabies ?

Probably need a jab to calm him down.
Holding on tight to the brass pole, it growls impatiently while I looked for my knife...

He exposes his entire length of its fangs under the folded skin under its nose.
Grrrr.............................

BAW! BAW ! BAW!!!!! His bark thundered across the room, rendering the five of us nearly deaf (in delight).

The sheepish look on the scoundrel's face was demeaningly foolish, to put it mildly.

The bloodletting tradition dated way back into the olden days of the good ol' barbers who doubles up as surgeons is about to be re-enacted.

The blade gleamed from tip to tang under the afternoon sun...

Blessings,Missings and Jerks

Blessings
1. God (Krishna).
2. Wife.
3. Parents, grandmother, brother&family.
4. Father & Mother-in-law & family.
5. Friends - Ravinther, Muthu, Albert&Grace.
6. ChongEu, YinPeng and AiPing

Missings
1. Child

Jerks
1.One Neighbour.
2.Avin.

Drowning or floating

Drowning or floating

Need to float for a while...
Really need to float for a while...
Too much pressure
Too many things happening at the same time
Too much responsibilities

Who do you live for ?

Schipol

Live neither for your friends nor your enemies
They often change sides
In any case, their true selves are neither friends nor enemies.

The petals are red, the stalks green
After they were developed
But look again, its only a wood ornament.

Cheers.

Thieves 2 Me 0 (Current score)

Dexter

The World Cup 2006 in Germany ended in a sour note for me. All our leather shoes were stolen a few hours after the penalty kicks.

So, how does it feel to be in my shoes ?

Remembering Windsor

Isn't she lovely ?

This beautiful and cute girl I met at Windsor Castle, United Kingdom is just so naturally photogenic I cannot resist putting her picture on the blog.

If you see this, my dear friend - - please drop me a note on the blog.

Cheers!