He held my heart today

Today God strengthened and braced my crumbled heart on a day special to those who celebrate.

Live with lesser blessings

Another rough week,  an even rougher week end.

I prayed to God this morning to help me live with lesser material blessings in life.

Praise Lord.

Thankful God for not prospering me with children

No, God did not bless us with any baby last year. It's 25-June 2014 today and so far He has not blessed us with any baby yet. We got a baby but the blessing was undone almost immediately with unspeakable sufferings all the way till the she died and was delivered - still.

Memories and wounds still raw in my mind, fresh wounds emerge and dug deeper in the same wound every time I see God blesses others.

So I say Thank God for not prospering me today!

HAPPY MAIDTHERS' DAY

Meaningless Mother's Day

Meaningless mothers day ，meaningless , meaningless !

happy mothers day

happy mothers' day my foot!

I lost my mother and father.
I lost my daughter.

I am a childless orphan.

Depressing facebook

Everytime I log on to facebook I get depressed...

Prayer of Petition dated 14th Day of the Month of March in the Year of 2014

Dear God (our Heavenly Father)

You are our God Almighty and nothing escapes your eyes
Nothing steers away from your plans
And nothing go against your Will
Nothing stands in your way for nothing is to difficult for You

Lord,
You have been so silent to my grief, pain and prayers
Though you know my hearts cries out tears of blood
Day after day, night after night
My heart is weakened by this grief I carry

Lord,
Are my sins too much for you to look at me ?
Is my love not genuine to receive your glance ?
Why Lord am I so, so, so unworthy and so repulsive ?
Are you going to shun my prayers forever ?

Lord
Please do not ignore me anymore
Shine your face upon me Lord
Rain your grace upon every moment of my life
And may my joy be complete today

Jesus Jesus Jesus
Amen Amen Amen.

Tears of Eternity

On the day of his funeral I finally cried.
I cried, cried, cried, cried and I cried.....

The burden of my tears weighed down on me on that day,
and pulled my depression out into the open...

I didn't see any other man shed a tear...

The fourth person I personally know left us before we even ended February...
and the third funeral of the year, even yet before I am comforted by my dad's passing.

Rest in peace, dad (in law).

Dad (in-law), I know your regrets.  And your regrets you shared with my dad - I share them deeply as well though I cannot keep saying this out with everyone. Just as my dear Jasmine had passed on before my mum, dad, Mrs Liew's mother, uncle David, Jadite and you, I now live reminiscing all of you in my days here on earth, missing every great moments that I might have with you if you were here. But most of all, I miss Jasmine most as I haven't spent a moment with her before her passing;
as I was reminded so timely as I was just penning this off, a colleague came to request for a survey
for fathers.....

Will the river of tears continue to run ?
Will there not be much tears of happiness, contentment, joy and bliss in between? And if there are, will they be far and wide ?

Only God knows.

Will be done

When God says No,
I cannot think Yes.

Who can defy God's will
For when He wills, it will be done.

The passing of a sister in Christ

The passing of a sister in Christ

It is just not easy to swallow this. I thought the many deaths in my own family is enough
for me to accustom myself to deaths; considering the closest persons in my life have already left me by now. My beloved daughter Jasmine, my beloved mother and followed by my beloved father. After all the dearest persons in my life have left me, I thought all the demise of any other person would not affect me so badly. But its definitely not the case.

Every single drop of suffering of humanity, seen or unseen, heard or unheard whether fallen on the shoulders of a relative, colleague or stranger - -  all rakes up the mire of pain of the yesteryears...

My heart is heavy with an inexpressible pain.

My friend, you have fought the good fight and you are definitely stronger than anyone else.
Thanks for all the bread, cakes, tales, ears and more office tales.

I am sure you are enjoying your time with Jesus everyday.

Sorrow so burrowed, Wound so deep

O Sorrow, my sorrows;

Burrowed and entrenched in a wound so deep;

A wound so deep, a wound so deep;

For who knows my sorrows ?

So deep, o so deep in the wound,

trapped but yet struggling to come out in the open;

to express yourself but can no longer,

because you burrow deeper in your throes of agony;

How do I cry? when there are no more tears inside

How do I weep? when there is not a tender bosom who know my sorrow

How do I grief? when there is not a strong shoulder I can lean on

How do I mourn? when I do not remember the face of my beloved

How do I weep? when my voice can no longer coax it out in the open

And how do I lament? when my wounds are never healed?

Jesus You claim you are The Way, The Truth and The Life;

The One who weeps for our losses in our lives;

Who has gone through all the sorrows of our life,

The Man of Sorrows who lived, who died, resurrected and who lives!

Jesus, Please come and heal my wounds today so I may be alive in You.

River of teary blood

Heart is bleeding again today...

Mixed with tears, blood dripped down incessantly since last week.
Today was more like flowing. Like a river.

End of the road

After all these years I guess we must learn to accept the will of our only God.

What is the end if the road we cannot change unless He willed for it. There is only one Jesus - God's only begotten Son. The Son of Man, as he often called himself, was only resurrected once and will pay earth a second, upcoming visit - only this time not as a baby but as an adult Jesus. Other than Lazarus, I don't expect any resurrections from now till The Son of Man revisits.

When God has decided, we can only accept.

If it's the end if the road for now, it means the end if the road for now.

God forgive me for my sins and my faithlessness, hopelessness and selfishness in failure to see beyond this body and this earth and cosmic plane.

Shit is in the Air

Shit is in the Air

Shit is in the Air
Everywhere i look around,
Shit is in the Air,
Every sight and every sound!

I don't know if i'm being stupid,
Staying here for the longest time
But its something our boss believe in
Its the passion when you look in his eyes.

Shit is in the air
In the cutting of the trees
Love is in the air
Recycling every thing we see

And I don't know where the hell we're heading
Don't know if I'm stil insane
But it's something our boss believe in
And it's there when he treats you like slave

Shit is in the air
Shit is in the air
yucks yucks yucccks!
yucks yucks yuccccccccks!

Shit is in the air
In the sinking of the sun
Shit is in the air
When the future's nearly done

And I don't know if its confusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you

Shit is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise

But it's something that our boss believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Change

{.Two mergers in two months .}

Change.
Opportunities and Improvements
Cuts and Trims
Opens and Shuts doors
Upgrades and Rewards
Threatening and Anticipating
Laughing and Crying
Gaining and Losing
Fear and Uncertainty
Balancing and Considering
Pause and Ponder
Re-evaluate and Change.

When you have time....

When you have time...

1) Check out a holiday package for your wife
2) Count your blessings
3) Remember your Abba Father
4) ...

Wakey wakey

Wakey wakey
You slow lackey
How many times your mummy
- - - - -ask you not to be so choosy

Who's left behind

How sad,

Jasmine left;

Mum left;

Dad left;

No one left behind;

Busied with all their health;

and survival,

Now busy with the health

and survival of in laws,

There is nothing left,

To look forward to.

Bloody Renovations Work 2011 !!!!!!

11 July 2013

The bloody renovation folder I created was called Renovations 2011 - created in 2011 of course.

Now, having already passed the second half of 2013

Idiots produce shit without eating rice....